SPAM Response - Not Just In The Blue Can Anymore

[mrwubbles]

The definition of SPAM used to be that overly salty, pink and concealed conglomerate of pork and beef. The ubquitious mystery meat. -lol-

These days, it's some random 'free drugs1, 'low mortage!', 'see my webcam!' and all the false claims and empty promises which are simply collecting up to an irritating soup or formula that makes me wonder if I can go postal on a computer?

So I got yet another email and really, enough's enough. SPAM filters never catches everything and this one slipped through. I, of course, didn't reply to it, but oooh, the desire to respond was too great so I'll respond here and send it out into the ether. -lol-


The Mystery Meat:

From: fedex.express.delivery@web2mail.com
Reply To: fedexexpresslink@web2mail.com

FROM THE DESK OF DR.ISREAL PARKER
ATM CREDIT CARD CENTER
TEL:+234-8020303501

GOOD DAY SIR/MADAM.

HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY? IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INFORM YOU ABOUT YOUR ATM CARD WORTH $1M THAT IS WITH US FOR DELIVERY TO YOUR DOOR STEP AND WE ARE HEREBY WAITING YOU TO GET INTOUCH WITH US OF THE COURIER COMPANY OF YOUR CHOICE THAT WILL DELIVER YOUR CARD TO YOUR DOOR STEP WITHOUT ANY STRESS.

WE HAVE CONTACTED YOU SEVERALLY TO INFORM YOU ABOUT THE LATEST DEVELOPMENT BUT YOU ARE INCOMMUNICADO BUT THANK GOD YOU RECEIVED OUR MAIL AND REPLY IF NOT SO THE FUNDS WILL BE RETURN TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TREASURY ACCOUNT AS UNCLAIMED FUND.

WITH DUE RESPECT YOU ARE ADVICE TO MAKE A CHOICE OF ANY COURIER COMPANY YOU PREFER FOR THE DELIVERY OF YOUR ATM CARD TO YOUR DOOR STEP AND DO NOT FAIL TO SEND THE COURIER DELIVERY FEE OF YOUR CHOICE THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE BELOW INFORMATIONS .

I SHALL PROCEED IN TAKING YOUR ATM CREDIT CARD TO YOUR CHOICE OF DELIVERY COMPANY FOR THEM TO DELIVER IT TO YOUR DOOR STEP WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY UPON THE RECEIPT OF THEIR DELIVERY FEE.

COURIER DELIVERY COMPANIES MAKE YOUR CHOICE OF DELIVERY
BELOW.

FEDEX DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERY DURATION :
AMOUNT: $USD 380
48 HOURS DELIVERY

(3)DHL DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERY DURATION
AMOUNT: $USD 300
72 HOURS OF DELIVERY

2)UPS DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERY DURATION
DURATION FOR DELIVERY
AMOUNT:$USD 220
48 HOURS OF DELIVERY

YOU ARE HEREBY ADVICE TO CHOOSE YOUR CHOICE AND MAKE THE PAYMENT WITH THE INFORMATIONS BELOW THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

RECIEVERS NAME: Melfah John Okebunor

ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA

TEXT QUESTION: COLOUR

TEXT ANSWER: WHITE

AMOUNT:????????????????

MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER:????????????????

DO SEND THE PAYMENT INFORMATION INCLUDING THE MTCN NUMBER FROM WESTERN UNION AND RECONFIRM YOUR POSTAL ADDRSS TO AVOID MISTAKE BY REGISTRATION WITH THE COURIER OF YOUR CHOICE.

AS I AWAIT HEARING FROM YOU HAVE A PLEASANT DAY AND A JOYFUL WEEK END.

CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY AS WE AWAIT THE MAIL.

BEST REGARDS

DR. Isreal Parker.
TEL:+234-8020303501



My Response:

DEAR DR. PARKER,

THANK YOU FOR THE DUBIOUSLY GENEROUS OFFER TO TAKE MY MONEY TO MAKE YOU MORE MONEY. WHILE I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE THE CHANCE TO PROVIDE FOR THE THE CLUTTER OF SERVERS YOU NO DOUBT HAVE WARMING YOUR BED OR KEEP YOU IN YOUR HABIT OF SKIN MAGAZINES YOU KEEP ON YOUR LAP WHILE YOU WORK, I AM AFRAID I MUST DECLINE AT THIS TIME.

CURRENTLY MY FUNDS ARE TIED AS I HAVE PLACED A FEW ORDERS OF FREE VIAGAR AND CAAILIS THAT ARE GOING TO BE SENT SOON TO MY NEWLY REFINANCED LOW MORTAGE HOME. I AM QUITE EXCITED ABOUT IT AND CONSTANTLY CHECKING MY ALMOST REAL LOOKING REPLICA WATCH IN HOPES THEY WOULD COME SOON.

MY APOLOGIES THAT I CAN NOT HELP YOU TODAY. PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE A FREE $500 GAS CARD INSTEAD?

FLIPPING YOU THE BIRD,

MR WUBBLES


No, I didn't really reply to him but ooooh, it was tempting too! *eg*