Oh, wow. That really hit me in the gut, when he said, "Talk to you next time, Suzie."
I really can see this as a missing scene. Watching someone throw life away had to be so very difficult for Jack.
Only two grammatical nitpicks, and neither have anything to do with Britspeak. (Remembering that Jack is supposedly American anyway.)
Ever wished I had just ret-con you Should be "retconned" in the past tense. You have that in one other spot.
And this sentence: He thought about John's body Ianto placed in temporary cold storage before he left work.
Need a conjuction between "body" and "Ianto." Perhaps: He thought about John's body, which Ianto had placed in temporary cold storage before leaving work.
(I tend to write for reading aloud, since I write for broadcast, and that original sentence tripped me up.)
But really? GREAT story.
If they haven't filled up all the spots for writerinadrawer you really should consider entering that challenge!
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I really can see this as a missing scene. Watching someone throw life away had to be so very difficult for Jack.
Only two grammatical nitpicks, and neither have anything to do with Britspeak. (Remembering that Jack is supposedly American anyway.)
Ever wished I had just ret-con you Should be "retconned" in the past tense. You have that in one other spot.
And this sentence: He thought about John's body Ianto placed in temporary cold storage before he left work.
Need a conjuction between "body" and "Ianto." Perhaps: He thought about John's body, which Ianto had placed in temporary cold storage before leaving work.
(I tend to write for reading aloud, since I write for broadcast, and that original sentence tripped me up.)
But really? GREAT story.
If they haven't filled up all the spots for